ST. GEORGE — Once in a dark cycle of depression and addiction, one man turned his life completely around. And he wants others to know it’s possible.
“I went from a drug dealer to a book dealer,” Justin Judkins said. “It’s so miraculous and black and white. It’s day and night to just become someone entirely different. It’s crazy.”
It may have been 16 years ago that Judkins decided to detox on a friend’s couch and leave the world of drug use and drug dealing behind, but he remembers the dark place he was in like it was yesterday.
Growing up, Judkins said he experienced an extremely abusive home life. To help him escape, he began smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol around the age of 14. It wasn’t until he found himself going through a difficult divorce later in life that he tried hard drugs for the first time.
He fell into a deep depression accompanied by severe anxiety and found himself unable to handle his own feelings. After asking a doctor for help, he was prescribed Xanax.
“I had never had any issues with alcohol or drugs or anything,” he said. “And I took the entire bottle of Xanex in a week. Because it was easier to feel that than it was to feel anything else.”
Unable to immediately refill his prescription, he began looking for drugs elsewhere. One of his friends didn’t have Xanax, and instead offered him cocaine, telling him it would make him feel better.
“One stupid choice of wanting to feel anything but depressed and sad over a divorce, that’s all it took,” he said. “And I went crazy with it.”
Judkins fell hard into addiction and over the span of six years, he overdosed twice. He buried one of his best friends due to an overdose and watched another get sentenced to five years in prison.
“It started with coke, went to where I was snorting it, shooting it, crack cocaine, then moved up to methamphetamine and shooting methamphetamine, and on top of all that – dealing all kinds of drugs,” he said.
One day, he said he found himself high on meth, unaware of how many consecutive days he had been awake. He felt tired of constantly being sick and watching those around him fall apart and knew something needed to change.
“Tired of not having anything, not being able to afford anything, spending every waking minute and thought on drugs,” he said. “Watching everyone else with families and a life I envied, I knew there was no way to reach that life with this life.”
He gave away everything he had left and disappeared to a friend’s house, where he detoxed by himself on the couch. During that time, he began replacing drugs with hot peppers – something he said worked wonders while he was coming down from meth. The rush of the hot pepper simulated the rush from drugs, and he started eating them by the jar.
At the time, he was homeless and jobless with nothing to his name but knew the ability to start over was going to be worth it.
Stepping into his new life, Judkins said when his son Elliot was little, he would create bedtime stories inspired by a character his son would pick and one he would pick for himself. The stories were “crazy,” but usually had a good moral to them and silly songs were included. With each story he began to realize he may have something worth publishing, not for the money, but for his kids.
“He’ll always have something that most kids will never have – stories that were written by his dad and inspired by his own characters,” he said. “Not many kids can say that.”
Judkins went on to self-publish the children’s book, “The Robot and the Dinosaur.” The robot character in the book is based on himself, a creature that doesn’t like change. The robot lives in black and white, and the dinosaur — based on his son Elliot — takes him back in time to experience color.
“At the end of the story he realizes this is the life he actually wants,” he said. “It’s a representation of the future and past. All of these things are hidden meanings in there of a life I used to live and a life that I do live, which is so black and white.”
While it also represents a life of drugs and a life of sobriety, he said it also points to unhappiness and happiness. He has learned to live differently than his previous life and accept a new life of change.
His very first book, “From Above and Below,” is undergoing new illustrations and will be available on Amazon in the next few weeks. The book features two characters growing a carrot, one from above and one from below. Neither realizes they have been working together until they go to pull the carrot out. They begin fighting, but when they realize it’s more work to do both parts separately, they come back together.
“I had two young boys that would bicker together,” he said. “It was written to teach my kids that you can do more together than you can arguing and fighting,”
A third children’s book is in the works, and he has written many novels that are yet to be published.
“I could never go back,” Judkins said about his life of drugs. “My entire life is dedicated to my son. Everything I do is me and him. And I know who I want to be for him.”
For more information on children’s storybooks by Judkins, visit The Stories of M.E. Facebook page. Find his book “The Robot And the Dinosaur” on Amazon at this link.
Photo Gallery
The new front cover of "From Above and Below" is pictured, a book written by Justin Judkins | Photo provided by Justin Judkins, St. George News
Justin Judkins takes a photo with his children's books inside Canyon Media in St. George, Utah, Aug. 23, 2023 | Photo by Jessi Bang, St. George News
The front cover of "The Robot and The Dinosaur" is pictured, written by Justin Judkins | Photo provided by Justin Judkins, St. George News
An inside page of "The Robot and The Dinosaur" is pictured, St. George, Utah, Aug. 23, 2023 | Photo by Jessi Bang, St. George News
Justin Judkins takes a photo with his son Elliott, location and date unspecified | Photo courtesy of Justin Judkins, St. George News
Justin Judkins takes a photo with his son Elliott, location and date unspecified | Photo courtesy of Justin Judkins, St. George News
Justin Judkins takes a photo with his son Elliott, location and date unspecified | Photo courtesy of Justin Judkins, St. George News
Justin Judkins takes a photo with his son Elliott, location and date unspecified | Photo courtesy of Justin Judkins, St. George News
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